Interview With A Witch
by Leia Emberblaze
Summary: Have you ever wanted to ask the the Wicked characters questions? Here's your opportunity! Elphaba, Glinda, Fiyero and all the other characters are waiting to be interviewed! This is sure to get very funny very fast...
1. Prologue

**I'm sorry to say that (for now) 'Texting Through Life' is over...though I will write more if I suddenly get an idea…however I am starting this new humor fic…which will hopefully be as funny if not funnier than 'Texting Through Life'…**

**This fic is rated T for some mildly pervy humor**

"Why are we all here?" Elphaba demanded of Leia Emberblaze (resident authoress).

"Well I ran out of inspiration on my other humor story," Leia explained sheepishly. "So I decided to call you all in here for interviews."

"So people are going to ask us questions like celebrities?" Glinda squealed, bouncing in a circle.

"Sure…" Leia responded. "But there is one rule"

"What rule?" Fiyero wondered suspiciously.

"No explicitly inappropriate questions," the authoress replied. Nessarose blushed for unknown reasons.

"And no hate mail if we don't answer the way you want us to," Boq added, nervously eyeing the frantic Bessa fangirls in the audience.

**IMPORTANT: The idea is that you readers will give me interview questions (via reviews) to be asked of the Wicked characters…please say which character(s) the question is addressed to…please don't ask any explicitly inappropriate questions because they will be ignored…serious questions are ok but this fic will be funnier if you guys ask leading questions with the potential for funny stories to be told…(example questions: who would win in a fight ____ or ____, would you rather ______ or _____, what was the most embarrassing moment in your life?, how did you feel when _____ happened?, etc)**


	2. Colors

**Thank you to everyone who left reviews and questions…keep up the good work!**

"So who will be the first to ask a question?" asked Leia Emberblaze, gesturing grandly to the audience in a rather cheesy fashion. The microphone was handed to AnnaBir.

"My question is for Elphaba," she began. "Since you're green wouldn't it be fun if the others had their own specific colors? Which colors would you choose and why?" The green girl took a moment to consider this.

"Obviously Glinda would be pink," she answered, much to the delight of her blonde friend. "She's just such a pink sort of person; all bouncy and bubbly. Fiyero would be…hmm." Elphaba glanced over her lover. "Fiyero would be a coppery bronze sort of color, like the sun. He's bright enough to chase all my personal clouds away."

"Aww," the Fiyerba fangirls cooed, before they were silenced by a glare from the green girl. She did not like awwing at her expense; it was much too cheesy for her tastes.

"Nessa would be a nice earthy brown," Elphaba continued. "Boq's color is bright yellow, because he's such a bright little spark."

"Hey!" the munchkin cried indignantly. "I'm not little!"

"Ha," Fiyero chuckled. "Nessarose is the color of dirt!"

"That's not what she said!" the crippled girl insisted. "Elphaba said I would be a _nice_ earthy brown."

"Which is the color of dirt!" the Winkie pointed out. "Or the color of _poop_."

"Fiyero stop being difficult," Elphaba chided before going on with her answer. "The Wizard would be gray because he's old and uninteresting." Here the green girl shot her father and arch nemesis a sharp glance. "Madame Morrible would be a sickly shade of yellow."

"The color of urine," Fiyero chortled to himself. That earned him a glare from the former headmistress. Dr. Dillamond bleated as if to say 'what about me'?

"You're already that lovely shade of pale brown," the green girl pointed out.

"Time for another question," Leia interrupted.

"This question is for Elphaba too," said B00K Freak.

"Well aren't you the popular one," the pint sized blonde sniffed jealously.

"If you could turn Glinda any color which would it be and why?" the questioner continued.

"What's with the color obsession?" Fiyero wondered rudely.

"I would probably turn Glinda green," Elphaba decided. "Just to see the look on her face."

"Elphie that's mean!" the petite girl whined pitifully. "I wouldn't want to be green."

"Don't dish it till you've tried it," the green girl chuckled. Her joke was accompanied by the sound of two drums and a cymbal.

"I don't see why you're getting all the attention," Nessarose grouched.

"Maybe it's because I'm the star of the musical," Elphaba snapped.

"Hey there are two stars of Wicked!" Glinda protested.

"Next we've got a question for Nessarose!" Leia intervened with a forced smile.

"When Leia said 'No explicitly inappropriate questions' you blushed," iknowaboutpopular reminded. "I was wondering why." Again Nessa's cheeks darkened.

"Do I have to answer?"

"Yes!" several audience members exclaimed.

"Aren't you glad to be getting all the attention?" Boq teased.

"I…I," Nessarose stuttered before her eyes narrowed with a devious idea. "That bit about inappropriateness just reminded me of the strange noises I kept hearing from Elphaba and Fiyero's room last night." Though the witch of the east was clearly lying she had the Fiyerba fangirls slavering to hear more. The green girl and her Winkie lover inched away from one another, eyes averted.

"You know that hotel we're staying in is pretty old," Glinda pointed out, coming to her friend's rescue. "I'm sure the walls groan a lot."

"Well the walls were doing a whole lot of _moaning_ last night," Nessarose commented with a smirk.

"Speaking of obscene inappropriateness," the authoress interrupted. "Let's continue on with our interviews." She was met with boos and thrown vegetables.

**Just a note to the readers; I will be using your questions in ways that fit the story, not necessarily in the order that I receive them…don't worry though all questions will be used eventually…please keep them coming!**


	3. Poor Fiyero

**Thanks for all the great questions guys; keep up the good work!**

"Welcome back to 'Interview With a Witch'," Leia Emberblaze exclaimed. She nervously passed the microphone into the audience, hoping it wouldn't fall into the hands of a pervert.

"Fiyero would you ever get a Mohawk?" questioned Phases of Obsession.

"Um…" the Winkie prince began with a confused and awkward facial expression. "I don't think so; I like my hair the way it is."

"Elphaba and Glinda do you think Fiyero would look hot in a Mohawk?" Phases of Obsession continued. The blonde witch blanched and shook her head 'no'.

"Yero would look hot in anything," the green girl purred. She then proceeded to make out with the grinning prince.

"Really?" Glinda snapped. "In front of _me_!? Don't you have any sense of decency?"

"No," Elphaba murmured distractedly.

"Where are the Flinda fangirls when I need them?" the petite woman cried.

"Are there any?" Boq wondered.

"Boq what color is your underwear?" called Phases of Obsession from the audience.

"Um…I…err," the munchkin stuttered, blushing.

"It's none of anyone's business what color Boq's underwear is!" Nessa shrieked. "Phases of Obsession where are you sitting you little…"

"Alright that's enough!" Leia shouted, pulling Elphaba and Fiyero apart. "Let's keep it rated T please. Next question."

"Fiyero?" began deeply shallow in a solemn voice. "Will you marry me?" The request was followed by intense silence and hushed giggles.

"Um…no," the Winkie replied. "Sorry but…"

"Fiyero is taken," Elphaba finished for him.

"Ok then," deeply shallow continued. "Elphaba, what's the most annoying thing Fiyero has ever done?"

"Hmm," the green girl considered, eyes flashing mischievously. "He's done so many annoying things that it's almost impossible to choose. There was that time when Avaric ran over my foot with his cart and he made annoying comments about my skin color." She cast her lover a sharp look. "The worst time was probably when he chased me around the yard with a bucket of water trying to 'melt' me."

"Hey you enjoyed that!" Fiyero protested.

"It was cute at first but then it just got irritating," Elphaba muttered.

"What about that time when I tickled you until…."

"That's enough!" Glinda shouted. "La, la, la, la, la…I'm not listening!"

"This question is for Fiyero," lozzakapozza interrupted, speaking into the microphone. "What's it like wearing those tighty whities?"

"Uncomfortable," the Winkie replied. "I'm thinking about burning them."

"Aww I like your 'tighty whities'," Glinda complained.

"Hey those 'tighty whities' are all mine," Elphaba snapped.

"Is it interrogate Fiyero day?" demanded Madame Morrible. "The Wizard and I haven't gotten any questions so far. Don't we have fans?"

"No," the authoress replied icily. "I'm pretty sure no one likes you."

"Well it's not like there are any Flinda fans either," Glinda piped up.

"I think it's called Giyero," Boq pointed out.

"Whatever the heck it's called no one seems to care!" the blonde witch cried. "Why aren't there fangirls screaming for Fiyero to kiss me?"

"Maybe because you don't sing 'As Long As You're Mine' with him and make-out in the forest," Elphaba growled.

"Well it seems we're out of time for today," Leia Emberblaze interjected. "If there are any Flinda fangirls out there please let me know via review so Glinda can have a small amount of satisfaction. Also it would be nice if Madame Morrible and the Wizard could get some action!"

**Thanks for all the questions…keep em coming!**

**Sorry this chapter was short…I promise to use every single question I get**


	4. Flinda

"We now return to 'Interview With A Witch'," Leia exclaimed in her cheesy 'game show host' voice. "Glinda could you come over here?"

"Sure," the blonde replied, bouncing over.

"Since you were feeling so sad yesterday about the lack of Flinda fangirls I thought you might like to hear some things that would cheer you up," the authoress explained, handing the microphone to .

"Glinda," she began. "I happen to think that you and Fiyero were absolutely adorable together in Dancing Through Life! I just adore you Glinda, your fashion sense is second to none! That little white number in your opening scene is just to die for. Wanna go to a bar and see if we can get your mind off Fiyerba? I know this one guy…" trailed off.

"Hear that Fifi?" the blonde squealed. "She thinks we're adorable together!" Elphaba glared.

"iknowaboutpopular would also like me to tell you that Flinda is by far the sexiest pairing and that you deserve Fiyero's whitey tights," Leia informed the good witch.

"Excuse me?" Elphaba gasped in indignation. "Fiyerba is much sexier than Flinda; Glinda sings with him and I make out with him multiple times in the middle of the woods!"

"Actually Galinda kisses Fiyero in 'Dancing Through Life'," Leia pointed out.

"Whose side are you on?" the green girl hissed.

"I'm just playing devil's advocate," the authoress defended. "Let's continue on to the questions."

"Glinda would you rather do a 50 page homework assignment about Newton's Laws (without Elphaba's help) OR wear Elphaba's outfits for a week?" asked ElphabaROCKS.

"That's a hard one," the blonde grumbled crossly. "I guess I would wear Elphaba's outfits because then I could accessorize."

"You did once," the green girl reminded her. "You lost a bet and ended up sewing pink ribbons onto one of my dresses."

"It actually looked pretty good," Glinda chirped happily.

"This question is for Fiyero," ElphabaROCKS continued. "Do you actually know the Pythagorean Theorem?"

"Of course," the Winkie scoffed. "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Elphaba slammed her head against the wall and Boq rolled his eyes.

"What?" Glinda demanded.

"You've got to be smart to get it," the green girl explained. Before the blonde could realize that she'd been insulted another question was being asked.

"Elphaba would you rather wear pink for two weeks or go on a week long, non-stop shopping spree with Galinda?"

"Shopping spree," the witch replied immediately. "I don't necessarily have to _wear_ the stuff I buy, so I could just burn it afterwards." She smirked having effectively found a way out of the question.

"Elphaba did you enjoy scaring Galinda when you first met?" webeta123 questioned.

"Which time?" the blonde witch snorted. "Her skin scared the shiz out of me the moment I laid eyes on her!"

"I think she's talking about the time when she yelled 'BOO!' and you jumped out of your skin," Leia told them.

"Heck yeah I enjoyed it," Elphaba replied. "I wish I'd had a camera. The look on her face was…hysterically funny."

"Elphie that's rude," Glinda pouted.

"The truth is rude," the witch retorted.

"Fiyero why didn't you tell Elphaba your feelings for her at Shiz?" webeta123 wondered.

"I was still very confused about my feelings then," the prince informed her. "For the first time I was actually thinking and that scared me. Plus Galinda was a great girl; I had no reason to leave her until I'd figured out how I felt about Elphaba. Unfortunately by the time I did that she was a fugitive."

"This question is for Boq," the questioner explained.

"Finally," the munchkin sighed. "I was beginning to think that no one paid any attention to me."

"Why did you lead Nessa on like you did?" webeta123 inquired.

"Well…do I have to answer?"

"Yes!" Leia snapped immediately.

"Well at first I just asked her out because Galinda told me to," Boq explained. "But then I realize that things were going too far. When Nessa found me after Elphaba left to see the Wizard I told her everything. She was horribly upset and spent the rest of her time at Shiz stalking me. So to answer your question I really didn't lead her on for too terribly long."

"I've also got a question for Nessa," webeta123 told them. "Why did you enslave Boq if you loved him?"

"Oh snap," Elphaba muttered. "That girl asks the hard questions."

"People do foolish things for love," the witch of the east explained in an evasive fashion. "I wanted nothing else than to have Boq with me so I passed laws that kept him in Munchkin Land as my servant."

"Love is the excuse for everything isn't it," the munchkin grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Nessarose demanded.

"Nothing," Boq assured her. "Nothing."

**Sorry if there are typos or mistakes in this chapter but I had to type it up really quickly on a not so up to date school computer. Hopefully it's still legible! Keep the questions coming…so far you guys have been doing a great job!**

**At the moment I am banned from writing fan fiction on my home computer but I will do my best to keep updating from school…it might take longer though!**


	5. Hideodious Hats

**Sorry the updates haven't been coming as fast as they should…I've been getting a little lazy…**

"Our next question is from Rosella 95," Leia Emberblaze began.

"Elphaba why did you run away when you were 'galindified'?" Rosella asked. "And would you do it again?" The green witch had to think for a moment before she answered.

"I ran away because I was scared," Elphaba said eventually. "Seeing my reflection made me start to hope that maybe I could be pretty and that terrified me. Hope is a very cruel painful thing and I didn't want to start believing in some hidden beauty that didn't exist. And I would _not_ do it again…ever."

"Glinda would you ever let Elphaba give you a makeover?" Rosella wondered. "Or rather an 'unmakeover'; no pink, no makeup, no frilly dresses. Or do you think you couldn't survive without all that stuff."

"I don't think I could survive without all that stuff," the blonde squealed in disgust. "My image would be ruined. Maybe if I could give Elphie a makeover in return though…"

"No," the green witch replied flatly, her eyes smoldering dangerously. All this talk of makeovers was making Elphaba nervous.

"Actually in my Wicked/Twilight crossover 'The Emerald Apple' Glinda did let Elphaba give her a makeover," Leia interrupted with a shameless plug.

"Who is the model of a modern major general?" B00K Freak asked.

"Um…what?" Nessa inquired.

"A modern major general?" Leia repeated. "According to the dictionary modern major general is a noun that means a military officer ranking next below a lieutenant general and next above a brigadier general."

"Um…I don't think any of us are a model of that," Fiyero scoffed. Dillamond bleated in agreement.

"This is for Fiyero," Ichiko Wind Griffin said. "Describe your childhood. We don't know much about your past so enlighten us."

"That's not a question," Leia pointed out. "And by the way I simply adored 'If Only I Had the Nerve'. But it's still not a question."

"Humor me," Ichiko Wind Griffin responded.

"Well I grew up in the Vinkus," Fiyero began. "I was a prince of the Arjiki tribe. My summers were spent in nomadic hunting villages on the Thousand Year Grassland and my winters were spent in Kiamo Ko. My father decided that I needed to have a proper education so he sent me away to an expensive school. I got kicked of said school due to less than stellar grades and…um…some disorderly conduct."

"Care to elaborate?" Elphaba teased.

"Not really," Fiyero replied with an uneasy smile.

"Glinda," Christine X Phantom interjected. "In 'Dancing Through Life' you said that your grandmother was always sending you the most hideodious hats. Would you care to show us some of them?"

"Um…sure," the blonde responded warily, standing up and trotting backstage.

"You brought your entire wardrobe with you?" Nessarose asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Of course," Glinda called from the wings. "Didn't you?" She emerged moments later with an armful of colorful fabric. There were four hats all in various shades of vivid color. Most had clearly been hand knitted.

"And I thought my hat was odd," Elphaba breathed in astonishment. She examined a loose beanie stitched with zigzags of bright yellow and deep red. Fiyero gingerly lifted another piece of strange headwear into his lap. It looked like a baby blue top hat that had mistakenly ended up in a blender.

"This looks like it came from Dr. Seuss's imagination," Nessarose scoffed at a flowery, spiraling contraption. "I don't even know where you put your head."

"My granny has an odd sense of fashion," Glinda shrugged, beginning to blush. She quickly gathered up the hats and carried them offstage.

**Don't worry the rest of the questions will be answered…though don't feel like you must continue to generate more queries because I currently have more than enough…however all questions are welcomed (unless I feel the query has already been adequately answered)…**

**Sorry for the slow updates!**


	6. Theme Songs

**Sorry it's been awhile; I was working on 'Goodness' (the sequel to 'Good' (my sequel to the Wicked musical)) and 'The Emerald Rose' (my sequel to my Wicked/ Twilight crossover 'The Emerald Rose')…yeah I know those were shameless plugs…deal with it…**

**Anyway I apologize for the wait…hopefully I'll start updating sooner**

"We now return to 'Interview With a Witch'," Leia enthused. "Our next question is one of my favorites…" She handed the microphone to someone in the audience.

"This is for everyone," Christine X Phantom said. "What song, not from the musical, really describes you?" Her question was punctuated with a fangirlish giggle. "Like a theme song."

"Oh, oh, oh, can I go first?" Glinda begged. Without waiting for a reply she launched into her answer. "My theme song would be 'My Heart Will Go On' from 'Titanic'."

"How does that in any way describe you?" Nessa snapped.

"Yeah! Did you fall in love with a poor boy who died in the cheesiest climax ever created?" Elphaba snorted.

"Elphie you know how I get when you bring up the ending," Glinda sniffed as tears pricked at her eyes. She turned away and muttered something that sounded like 'darn it Rose he told you not to let go'.

"I can't believe she actually liked that movie," the green witch snorted.

"Hey I like that movie!" Leia piped up.

"Yeah," echoed most of the females in the audience.

"Clearly you hate Titanic because you're so callous towards anything romantic," Nessarose told her sister sharply.

"And this is coming from the bitter girl who enslaved the man she loved," Elphaba growled. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."

"I think you dislike Titanic because it made you cry," Fiyero pointed out.

"I did not cry," the green girl insisted, looking embarrassed. "I had something in my eye."

"Sure you did," the Winkie snorted.

"Can we get back to the question?" Leia suggested. "Glinda do you have another theme song that at all relates to your life or personality?" The blonde shook her head, still weeping over the death of a fictional character. "Does anyone else have a song that relates to Glinda?"

"All Sharpay's songs from the three 'High School Musical' movies," Elphaba replied immediately. There was a spattering of laughter from the audience. "Seriously," the witch insisted with a smirk. "Can't you see her singing 'Fabulous' or 'I Want it All'?"

"I can't believe you watched those movies," Nessa snickered.

"Moving on," Leia interrupted. "Morrible you've been awfully quiet. What's your theme song?"

"It's _Madame_ Morrible," the snotty headmistress pointed out. "And I happen to like the song 'Little Girls' sung my Ms. Hannigan in 'Annie'." Elphaba tried unsuccessfully to hold in the cackle building in her throat. Everyone started in alarm at the malicious sound.

"What about you Elphaba?" Leia questioned, trying to move things along.

"I think most of the 'girl power' and 'I don't give a darn what the world thinks of me' songs by Superchick fit my personality," the green girl replied. "Particularly 'Hey Hey', 'Me Against the World', and 'One Girl Revolution'."

"Nessarose?" Leia prompted.

"How about 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead'," Fiyero whispered to Elphaba who responded by elbowing him and laughing at the same time.

"What was that?" the witch of the east growled.

"Nothing," both guilty parties answered at the same moment.

"I think 'Girlfriend' by Avril Levinge and 'So What' by Pink fit my recent romantic predicament," Nessa answered, glancing at Boq with a look that could wither a giant redwood.

"I would've figured you for a Taylor Swift kinda girl," Glinda commented.

"Oh I like Taylor Swift too," the cripple responded, still glaring at Boq. "Particularly '_You Belong With Me'_ and '_Tell Me Why'_." She said the song names like accusations and the munchkin flinched.

"My theme song would be 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas," Fiyero informed the audience without being asked. "It's the kind of good times, party song that totally defines the Shiz-era version of me."

"What song defines the post-Defying Gravity version of you?" Leia wondered.

"'I'm Too Sexy for my Shirt'," Elphaba answered with a straight face. Everyone chuckled awkwardly. Fiyero blushed.

"Boq?" the authoress questioned uneasily.

"I…I don't know," the munchkin stuttered still frightened by Nessa's 'look of death'. "Maybe you guys should choose for me."

"How about 'Why Don't You Kiss Her' by Jesse McCartney," the Winkie taunted.

"Or 'S.O.S' by the Jonas Brothers?" Elphaba teased.

"Elphie leave him alone," Glinda snapped, surprising even herself. The Gloq fangirls cheered and she blushed.

"Fine," the green girl snapped. "Let's move on to the next question."

"Don't I get to say anything?" the Wizard demanded indignantly.

"No," Elphaba replied curtly, not even looking at him.

**Hopefully the length of this chapter made up for the long wait…**

**A HUGE thank you goes out to Christie X Phantom whose question was so awesome that I felt it needed an entire chapter to itself. **

**NOTE: I don't need any more questions but if you have any urgent ones go ahead and add them to the list (it will take me awhile to get around to them all though)…**


	7. Riding A Broomstick

**Back again!**

"Glinda Atra Ventus would like to know if you'll marry him," Leia began the show without her usual cheesy statement.

"Um…" The blonde blushed, totally at a loss. "Sorry but no."

"This question is for the Wizard," Rosella 95 stated, sending the older man a venomous look. "How did you feel when you realized you'd claimed your only daughter was 'wicked'? Did you feel even worse that you also had her melted?"

"I felt horrible," the Wizard informed her, eyes dripping with sorrow. "I always wanted a family and I ended up killing, or at least trying to kill, my one daughter. Of course I felt absolutely horrible. It's impossible to even describe the feeling of self loathing that still haunts me."

"But I'm not dead," Elphaba pointed out.

"That doesn't change the fact that I tried to have you killed," the older man insisted. "I'm the world's worst father."

"Yeah, you are," Fiyero snorted.

"Yero!"

"Well he is," the Winkie defended.

"This is also for the Wizard," Mrs. Bang Thomas interrupted. "It's more of a demand than a question. Give me your balloon…or else."

"Um…ok," the older man replied, unsure what to do. "It's parked outside if you really want to try and use it."

"You're such a pushover," Elphaba grumbled. "No wonder Morrible treated you like a puppet."

"It's _Madame_ Morrible," the headmistress growled.

"My next query is directed at Boq," Mrs. Bang Thomas continued. "Since I think it's safe to say that you've been rejected by Glinda and you're reasonably scared of Nessa….are there any other special ladies in your life right now? Cause I'm available." Before the munchkin could answer Leia cut in.

"Alright that's enough," the authoress grumbled. "No more making romantic advances towards fictional characters." A collective grumble rolled over the audience. "I know I'm a party pooper; deal with it. Next question."

"Elphaba, how awesome is flying?" wondered The Enchanted Broomstick.

"Very awesome," the green girl enthused. "It's SO much fun. You leave your stomach on the ground and send your heart into the sky; that's what if feels like anyway. The broom handle pressing between your legs gets _really_ uncomfortable though."

"You don't seem to mind when it's Fiyero's broom handle," Nessa murmured.

"You are such a perv!" Elphaba exclaimed in exasperation.

"Well I don't think flying is awesome at all!" the Winkie interjected. "After we ran away from the Emerald Palace I almost threw up."

"Yero's afraid of heights," the green witch explained.

"I wasn't afraid," Fiyero insisted. "I was airsick."

"Well my other question is for Madame Morrible," The Enchanted Broomstick continued. "What exactly do you have against Animals? Watch what you say; Elphaba is in the room."

"I have nothing against Animals," the snotty headmistress snorted. "But I love the power the Wizard gave me and the only way to keep that power was to continue on with his brilliant plan to create a public enemy. The Animals are no more than a tool."

"You sicken me," Elphaba hissed. "I'm glad Glinda locked you in prison to rot away."

"Actually she escapes," Leia interjected, to questioning glares. "Well in my story 'Good' she escapes and returns to antagonize Oz again."

"Does she die a horrible death?" the green girl asked hopefully.

"No," the authoress replied apologetically. "She faints and never wakes up."

"Well at least she dies," Elphaba snarled, glaring again at the fish-like woman.

"Here's another question for Madame Morrible," Ichiko Wind Gryphon interrupted. "If you can do magic why didn't you ever try to make yourself not look like a giant ugly fish?"

"Why you little…!" the headmistress roared, leaping to her feet and searching the audience. Meanwhile Ichiko Wind Gryphon fled the angry Morrible while laughing hysterically.

**If any of you have read 'Good' and/or the sequel 'Goodness' I want to let you know that some of my OCs from those stories may be making appearances in the near future…if you have any questions for them let me know…if you think it's a bad idea to bring OCs into this let me know too…**


	8. Which Way is the Party?

**Sorry it's been awhile…**

**I got the inspiration for things Fiyero did at other schools from the song 'Which Way is the Party' (which was the predecessor to 'Dancing Through Life'…it's actually really good)…yes I do have the entire song and the audio quality is very good (if any of you guys are such hard core Wicked songs that you'll go to great lengths in order to get a deleted song just message me and I'll email it to you)**

"So Fiyero," Crazy Beagle began. "What exactly did you do to get kicked out of your other schools?" The Winkie's cheeks colored violently.

"Several things actually," he admitted, clearing his throat as though preparing to tell a long story. "Mostly it was just stuff that happened at the parties I threw. Once or twice I got caught with several kegs of fine Winkie beer that wasn't totally legal in some parts of Oz. At this one party things got really out of hand and a bunch of students ended up swinging from a chandelier. There were also a lot of scandals with…err…women."

"Don't get any ideas girls!" Elphaba called into the audience. "He's mine."

"Don't worry, we're willing to wait," Crazy Beagle shouted back. "And then we'll share him!" Laughter bubbled through the room. When it quieted Crazy Beagle asked another question of all the characters. "How do you feel about how you're portrayed in 'The Wizard of Oz' and 'Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West'?"

"Well obviously I have never been nor do I ever intend to become a nun," the green witch snorted. "And I do not like being an archetypical old hag with evil intentions and a scratchy voice. Clearly the people who made that movie never heard me sing 'Defying Gravity'."

"I'm not a redhead," Glinda piped up. "In the movie I'm a tall redhead with some serious fashion issues. I mean, did you see that weird pink dress I was wearing? Hideodious."

"At least you get some face time," Nessa complained. "In the movie you only ever see my feet and stockings. As for the book well, I've got arms! Plus I would never enchant an axe to kill Boq."

"In the book Boq and the Tin Man are totally different," Elphaba pointed out.

"I like the way I'm portrayed in the movie," the Wizard informed everyone. "They discover I'm a fraud but at least I'm a nice fraud. In the book I'm a sadistic, suicidal dictator."

"And I'm a brainless sack of animated straw," Fiyero exclaimed. "Though I kinda like the idea of blue diamond tattoos."

"Well sometimes you do have them," Leia insisted. "It depends on the fan fic."

"I get murdered," Morrible shrilled loudly. "By my prize student!"

"I got there too late actually," Elphaba snapped back. "But I kinda do wish that I could bludgeon you over the head with a trophy."

"Easy Fae," Fiyero soothed, wrapping his arms around her. Suddenly his eyes brightened. "That's another thing I like; the whole Fae and Yero bit."

"Alright that's enough," Leia chastened. "These next few questions came from someone whose user name was 'Elphaba'. Since it would obviously be confusing to have multiple Elphaba's speaking at the same time I will read her questions. Sorry." She paused. "Glinda do you still loathe Elphie's face?"

"Of course not!" the blonde exclaimed indignantly. "She's my best friend."

"Elphaba," the authoress continued. "What don't you like about the 'blonde girl's' voice?"

"It sounds like nails on a chalkboard when she gets excited," the green witch groaned.

"Elphiiee!" Glinda shrieked, smacking her friend's arm. She winced.

"Case in point."

"This question is for Fiyero," Leia informed the audience. "Do you fail everything or do you get Ds or Cs sometimes?"

"There are so many fan fics about Elphaba tutoring me but sadly I haven't learned much," the Winkie sighed. "I think the highest grade I've ever gotten is a C-."

"One more," Leia announced. "Glinda how many articles of clothing do you have?"

"Um…" The blonde started counting on her fingers and then ran backstage.

"This could take awhile," Nessa groaned. They could all hear drawers and closets being opened and closed.

"One sec!" Glinda called. A moment later she returned to the stage with a notepad in her hand. "80,000 is my best guess but it's only a rough estimate based on what I brought with me and how much filled storage space I have back home…" She bit her lip. "I was never very good at math."

"That's alright," Boq told her gently. More 'aww's from the Gloq fans.

**Sorry it was short; I'll try to update more often…**


	9. Sisterly Love

**Sorry it's been awhile…I hope you'll all read 'The Good Witch of the South' which is an epic story about Leyen; the girl who becomes the good witch of the south (who no one ever mentions)…it fills in a lot of the holes in Wicked and develops some of the not-so-major characters (like Chistery)**

"This question is for Elphaba and Nessa," Broadwayy Belter said. "Do you enjoy being sisters? Why or why not? Would either of you prefer to have Glinda as a sister instead?" Awkward silence permeated the air.

"You expect us to answer that with each other in the room?" Elphaba queried, casting a sidelong glance at her sister.

"Well I'm not afraid to let you know my reply," Nessa quipped. "I'm not a big fan of Elphaba, but I'd rather have her than the airheaded blonde that stole Boq's heart."

"Hey!" the green girl snapped. "I gave you the ability to walk."

"And I didn't steal Boq's heart!" Galinda cried.

"Elphaba do you like being Nessa's sister?" Leia interjected, trying to stop the oncoming catfight.

"I was going to say 'yes'," the witch huffed. "But now the answer is 'no' because she's an ungrateful little brat."

"Can I ask Boq something?" questioned Elphaba fan. Leia waved gestured for her to proceed. "Will you marry me?"

"Um…"

"There's a rule about that now," the authoress reminded everyone. "As cute and funny as it is there will be no more marriage proposals to fictional characters."

"Well I have one for Nessa too," Elphaba fan continued. "How are you alive right now?"

"Am I?" the witch of the east answered evasively. "How do you know I'm not a ghost?" Fiyero poked her.

"She's definitely not a ghost," he announced.

"I don't really know how I'm alive," Nessarose admitted. "Why isn't Fiyero a scarecrow?"

"I decided to write you in your original forms so the story would work better," Leia explained to the puzzled characters. "Though I suppose Nessa could've faked her death like Elphaba and Fiyero. They didn't find a body; all that was left were those slippers." She winked at the audience. "Those of you who've read 'Goodness' will get this."

"I've got a question for Madame Morrible," deeply shallow piped up. "What are your true feelings for the Wizard?" People in the audience let out an amused chuckle as the headmistress blushed.

"I think he's a…err…lovely man with an invaluable amount of power," she coughed, trying to regain her composure and glare at everyone simultaneously.

"Glinda have you ever had a bad hair day?" deeply shallow wondered. "If so how bad was it?"

"As you all know I'm perfect," the blonde chirped. "So I've never had a bad hair day."

"Is that a joke?" Fiyero chuckled. "Remember the time you got gum stuck in your hair and had to cut half of it off?"

"Correction," Elphaba muttered. "_I_ had to cut half of it off and she was bawling the entire time."

"So that's why you wore a bedazzled bandana for so long," Nessa realized.

"Yep," the green girl affirmed. "She started a new trend."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Glinda sniffed, poking a hole in the clouds with her nose.

"Elphaba have you ever failed an exam?" deeply shallow wanted to know.

"No."

"You failed my fashion exam," Glinda pointed out.

"That doesn't count."

"Fiyero have you ever passed an exam?" deeply shallow continued.

"According to many fan fics Elphaba started tutoring me," the Winkie replied. "And once that happened I passed almost all my exams."

"Boq how much do you really like Elphaba?" deeply shallow queried.

"Was that question meant to be Belphie?" the green girl snapped warily.

"I think Elphaba's nice," the munchkin decided. "I just didn't know all the facts in 'The Wicked Witch of the East' so I reacted badly."

"Are you two together?!" Nessa gasped.

"No!" both parties screeched at the same time.

"Why are you so suspicious all the time?" Elphaba growled. "I wouldn't crush on my little sister's boyfriend."

"I'm not her boyfriend," Boq muttered sulkily.

"This is for the Wizard," deeply shallow said. "Do you ever get homesick?"

"Sometimes," the older man admitted. "I was nothing on Earth though and in Oz I had more power than I knew what to do with."

"Oh you knew what to do with it alright," Elphaba muttered. "You used it to antagonize the Animals of Oz."

"Last question," deeply shallow assured them all. "Nessa do you think Fiyero's cute?" The witch of the east colored violently.

"Well…I…um…err…" she stuttered. Elphaba's eyes grew wide.

"I can't believe you were mad at me about the Boq thing when you're all over my boyfriend!" she screamed, leaping to her feet.

**That's all for now! Reviews are great!**


	10. Mizard or Worrible?

**Sorry I've been gone for so long but with finals and my horrendible grade in math I've been too busy to update all my stories regularly; unfortunately the humor fics usually get pushed towards the back of the line…updates will be pretty slow until summer breaks starts but then things should probably speed up…**

"Now that Nessarose and Elphaba have calmed down we can hopefully start the show again," Leia began, glancing nervously at the sisters in question. Nessa put on her best innocent face while Elphaba glared daggers.

"I have a question for Elphaba," Elphaba fan announced. "What do you like most about Fiyero?"

"Well um…"

"Please say 'nothing' so I can date him," Elphaba fan interjected. Her interruption elicited a venomous glare from the green girl.

"What's not to like?" she replied eventually. "It's kinda hard to choose just one thing." Elphaba bit her lip, still thinking. "I like his blue diamond tattoos when they're written into musicalverse fan fics. They are _very_ hot." A general murmur of drooling agreement echoed from the audience.

"Glinda have you ever worn black?" Elphaba fan fired off. The blonde witch sighed.

"Once," she admitted grudgingly. "I bet Elphaba that I could get more phone numbers than her in a day."

"Elphaba _won_?" Nessarose queried incredulously.

"She cheated!" Glinda squeaked indignantly. Everyone turned to the green girl for confirmation.

"You'd be surprised how many boys will write down their number if you threaten to turn them into a frog," Elphaba snickered.

"Fiyero did you fire your driver after what he did to Elphie?" Elphaba fan asked the Winkie.

"Of course not," he scoffed. "It was an accident anyway and Avaric is a close friend of mine."

"Plus he hated me at that point," the witch of the west added.

"I've got a question for Madame Morrible," webeta 123 called out. "What did you mean when you said 'if you do much for the Wizard he'll do much for you'? Emphasis on the _you_." Again several malicious snickers signaled to the headmistress that this question had perverted implications.

"I simply meant that he gave me the position of press secretary because I informed him of Elphaba's powers," she growled.

"So it's only a rumor that you're his mistress," Nessarose chirped. Shocked silence fell over the crowd and Morrible turned bright red. In fact she looked something like a bloated, wrinkly, tomato.

"That was totally uncalled for!" she sputtered angrily, slamming down into her seat. Nessarose smiled with grim satisfaction.

"I do believe we've created a new Wicked pairing," Leia chortled. "Worrible."

"Or Mizard," Boq added.

"Well I've got a question for the Wizard," webeta 123 shot in. "If you had discovered Elphaba's parentage earlier in the show would you have still killed her?"

"Of course not!" the thoroughly embarrassed man scoffed. "What kind of question is that? I may not be perfect but I wouldn't knowingly kill my own daughter."

"Elphaba I hear that witches like to wear red and white striped pantyhose," Bailey Lautner pointed out. "Do you wear them?"

"I think you mean red and black striped pantyhose like in 'The Wizard of Oz' movie," Nessarose corrected snobbishly.

"I don't," Elphaba replied honestly. "But Nessarose does. I believe if you look closely you can see that she's wearing them in 'The Wicked Witch of the East'."

"You can also see them when her feet are sticking out from beneath that house," Boq chuckled quietly.

"Elphaba prefers black and green striped pantyhose," Fiyero informed the audience. This comment earned him an emerald elbow in his side. "Well you do," he retorted.

"But you don't have to share that with everyone," Elphaba hissed, cheeks darkening. "How would you like it if I told everyone that you wear bright blue boxers?" Now it was the Winkie's turn to blush. When the laughter settled down B00K freak took the mike.

"Elphaba if you had the Wizard and Morrible before you and a gun with one bullet who would you kill and who would you spare?" she queried.

"Give me a gun and we'll find out," the green girl replied cryptically.

"That will _not_ be necessary!" Leia interrupted anxiously. "Please; no firearms allowed."

"Fine," Elphaba huffed. "Morrible _definitely_. I mean she killed my sister _and_ announced to the world that I was a distorted, repulsing wicked witch. According to Gregory McGuire I _did_ bludgeon her to death with a trophy."

At this the headmistress began to inch warily away.


End file.
